


Living

by KidoTaka



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: Angst, M/M, i havent written a fic in over a year, its so short rip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 02:46:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3633792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KidoTaka/pseuds/KidoTaka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shintaro feels his hand receive a gentle squeeze. It hurts. Its excruciating because it isn't gentleness, it isn't softness, nor kindness. <br/>It's all weakness, it's trying and it's failing.</p>
<p>Dying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living

He looks away, biting his lip. He's trembling, they both know, after all its not the first time. The other boy doesn't look up, he can't, but he still reaches out to the all-too-pale hand. The drip is attached like always so try as he might Shintaro can't avoid the truth much like how Haruka can't avoid the inevitable.

  
Shintaro feels his hand receive a gentle squeeze. It hurts. Its excruciating because it isn't gentleness, it isn't softness, nor kindness.   
It's all weakness, it's trying and it's failing. 

Dying.

"I'm scared." Shintaro looks up at Haruka's voice which he hastily regrets, especially with how the other is looking right at him, tears threatening to fall. It's one of those sights that bores itself into Shintaro's mind, the ones which stick in his mind before he sleeps, internally terrified that it could be the last thing he'll remember of him if his tomorrow doesn't come.

  
It takes a few drops on his own hand to realise he's crying. Self-loathing seeps through his system as he realises that despite him being the one who isn't dying, he's still the weakest one in the room. Guilt soon mixes in as he realises that the sickly boy in front of him is fighting hard, so, so hard to stay in the same world he's wanted to leave.

  
A poor excuse for a smile is all he can muster as he speaks words of unconvincing reassurance, "Y-you're gonna be okay" is all he makes out, unsure if he's speaking to Haruka or himself. Haruka knows he's going to cry, but breaking down, sobbing at Shintaro's next words is a surprise to himself.

  
"You're trying so hard, I'm so proud of you"

  
Such foreign words from Shintaro's lips is just what makes them all the more powerful. Hope sparks in Shintaro's heart as Haruka gives him the tightest grip he has felt in weeks. He is trying. Trying to live, trying to fight, trying to be normal. Lips upturn just the slightest fraction as a genuine smile appears on his otherwise downcast face. Usually Shintaro hates hope. It's illogical and never amounts to anything. However for Haruka, one of the only things he can love about this world, he'll wish for just about anything.

  
It helps. Despite what the doctors tell him, ignoring the overwhelming odds that are stacked against him, the will power is what he needs. His breaths are quick, his gasps are sharp but he nods. He wants to live; he needs to live. It's a downward spiral and it's getting harder but for a future with Shintaro it is worth it. 

  
Haruka tries to calm himself and it works for the most part, the tears have just exhausted him.He lies down, facing Shintaro, glistening tear tracks prominent along with reddened eyes.  
The bed-ridden boy's face focuses on the other and his eyes soften, almost smiling in the times his lips can't. "Thank you, Shin."  
The younger boy stares at tired eyes with his own similar ones and he knows it won't be long till the other dozes off. "It's nothing," He purely brushes off the gratefulness, he's never been good with it, but they both know one thing:  
It's everything.

"Stay with me till I sleep, okay?" The question is nothing more than a formality for the two, they both know Shintaro will anyway. He stays till the frail yet persistent grip slowly ebbs away into slumber and Haruka's breaths are even rather than the unforgettable times where he desperately gasps and breathes.  
He lingers to watch Haruka's relaxed and content face, wondering if he'll ever see it again. The slither of hope persists that he will, if even just to force himself out the room.

He utters a small "See you tomorrow" before forcing himself out of the room.  


For Haruka there was no tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> the latest novel, slay me slay  
>  just sla y


End file.
